Well, yesterday the Dr. and I decided that it was time for me to be home from work until this baby comes. While I was relieved to not have planning and the day to day exhaustion, I can't believe how difficult it is for me to let go. I've had to ask myself why? To others many might think it's due to letting go of control, but that's really not it. I am confident that my long-term substitute will manage just fine, and my team does not need me to succeed, and I got my students this far and they really are a good group of kids and don't need me either. So then, what is it?
I'm just a workaholic sometimes. That's probably why I am always so tired. I never do anything half way. I take a lot of pride in working hard, and it is part of my personality. I am driven for productivity everyday. If I don't accomplish certain things each day, I feel a failure or disappointment. I suppose this is why I have always worked. Since I was old enough to remember, I've been doing something. I rarely spend my days doing nothing. Anyway, due to my nature and now being home, I get up and think, now what? What do I do today?
It won't take me long to find some project that needs to be done at home, but I hate this transition. I even miss going to school with my kids. And today will be one of the first times I don't get to see there school Variety show performance twice (Isaac's the MC and Marina is performing a song with her class). I actually have to wait until tonight like all the other parents.
Isaac said this morning in response to telling him I would not be going to work for the rest of the school year, "Wow, we get to be like regular kids?" While I am sure that is a novel thought for him, it was depressing for me to hear. At least I know Marina will manage, but she would rather me be with her. Isaac's kind of getting to that big kid age anyway. He also informed me today that he's almost done with elementary school. I reminded him he still had another year, and he told me, "Yah Mom, only one more year!"
Can you tell I'm feeling a little melancholy about the change? I know that when this baby finally comes, it will keep me plenty busy, and I won't be able to keep up with the days for a while. But for now.... waiting is so hard! So, here's to wishing early labor (already started) not lasting the 10 weeks it did with Isaac, and the 2 weeks with Marina. And finding something productive to do!
5 comments:
Yeah--labor better not last 10 weeks since that would put this baby about a month and a half overdue!!!! Good luck with the waiting. I remember having about a month after I was done teaching before Xander was born since he came the end of June, and it was WEIRD to not be so constantly mentally and physically engaged in something! Hang in there, Vycci!
Transitions are always difficult. And I don't do things halfway either - I totally get you there. Here's to the right amount of labor (whatever that is!). Thinking of you, and hoping to see you before he arrives. Use this time to take care of YOU before you don't have that opportunity. :)
Hang in there...I know you'll find something to do. although for me, it seems like perfect timing! :) selfish, I know. And besides, you wanted the decision to be made for you at one point anyway...here you go! :) love ya!
As hard as the transition is, I am happy to know you home and taking care of you and the baby these final FEW weeks. We will be over the mountains next weekend... hope to get in a visit then!
Well, before baby comes, which sounds like it could be any day now, take and post a pregnancy picture. We all want to see your cute eight plus month pregnant belly! That'll give you something to do... :)
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